we landed on boardwalk

It's a good thing I like my husband. I like him waaaay more than I like money. Which is a darn good thing because, in case you've been living in van down by the river and don't know, cancer is expensive.  Even when you have been proclaimed cancer-free your life is still expensive. (I think that one way to get a real good fix to the health care system real fast would be to require everyone who is married and still in college to pay for college and radiation and blah blah blah that all adds up so when they see their bills they will revolt and then make a great change! Or maybe not).

With CT PET scans and radiation treatments and then routine CT scans/check ups every three months (which the exposure to can cause cancer again later on!) your sort of swimming upstream. Thank the heavens for insurance, because his insurance is bomb dot com, but even if it only leaves you with a small percentage, a small percentage of a huge number is still big. Just sayin'. 

For example, the CT PET scan that simply proved his cancer was back last fall was over $12,000 (of which insurance payed a huge part) but really? $12,000 to tell me what the doctors already suspected and were pretty much positive of? (Dangling my participles, sorry.)   We have been holding on real well and enjoying the ride for the last 2 and half years. Until now when we got the mighty fine pleasure of landing on boardwalk.

You know in monopoly where your friend owns boardwalk and they have a hotel on it and you only have a tiny bit of property with no houses on it and no one ever lands on it and you know that the only way to stay in the game for long is if you get lucky enough to miss boardwalk every time and then pass go so that you get some monies to live off till the next time you hopefully miss boardwalk and get money from go again? But then eventually you find yourself on boardwalk. So you give your pittance to the landlord of boardwalk and walk out on that game because well who needs it anyways? You know, that feeling.

Well sometimes when your a college student and cancer patient's wife (or in any number of other situations) you feel like that happens in real life, but what can you do about it except say, "well shoot!" and then just keep on going. Because really, its better when it happens in real life, because when it happens in Monopoly your totally destitute. Well I happen to be typing this on my macbook pro. In my warm apartment. Hence: not destitute.

My husband is cured and healthy and it could have been so much worse, and we have insurance, and I have job and we're having fun prepping for the GRE by expanding our vocabulary; learning words from lists hanging around our apartment (have you guys seen the vocab on the test?!)

My advice? Buy boardwalk.
It pays off.

Kelly Cancer Update

So guess what? After you have radiation treatments they don't tell you if the treatment worked or not for several months. They told us he would have scar tissue there forever so we needed to wait a while before looking at the tumor so they could see if there was any change. Well, a couple weeks ago he had all his appointments and today we got the results. His blood work is normal, and the only thing left where his tumor was is scar tissue! No growth, or changes in shape.  Never been so excited in my life, (except for maybe after the first time we were told his cancer was gone...so much for that). Hopefully it will stick this time and we wont have to ever deal with this again.
That would be awesome.
Can I get an AMEN?

I believe crying is good for the soul

Kelly studying on the way to radiation

Eastern Idaho Regional Cancer Center. We are in good hands.

We haven't been taking things too seriously around here. We know life could be worse and that his case isn't that bad, and that radiation will cure him right up (although we thought that about surgery the first time. should've knocked on wood. haha)

I have been able to talk about it and not think about it too much and just know that it will be ok. But I finally had my first cancer-induced breakdown on Monday night. He came home from the doctor's with black marks all over his stomach in permanent marker, so that when he went back (today) they could permanently tattoo them on so that they can radiate the exact spot each time.

I saw the little dots. I thought about the radiation going through him and potentially causing diabetes because it's so near his pancreas, and about the increased risk for stomach cancer in the future (what?) I learned that same day that he has an infection downstairs on the other man, which scared the pants off me and sort of made me mad, because you know, what if cancer is not only in his lymph nodes, but back in the first spot again and how maybe we'll never be able to have our own kids and life sucks and woe is me, and those kinds of thoughts, you know.

As I thought about how long it could potentially be until we get to be parents, and how long it could might be until Kelly can stay away from hospitals, I just couldn't keep it in anymore. All my emotions inside came out as liquid. I couldn't stop them. And I didn't want to. Luckily he cuddled me and we talked about our fears and future and family. And I decided God has a family prepared for us. We'll meet them eventually. Until then I get to spend more quality one on one time with their father. In a hospital. yay! (At least we have hospitals. I am grateful for those.)

But now I am looking at his cancer schedule in the office and I am not crying and Kelly is getting tattooed and radiated and I am not scared and it's beautiful outside and I am happy.

***UPDATE: The drive home was interesting. We had to stop a couple of times for him to lose his lunch, and it made my heart sad. I love him.

Kelly and Doctors and More Tests

Well, the title about sums it up. But here are the details.

We got a call from Kelly's oncologist last week, and he explained that despite blood work that would confirm the absence of cancer, and negative biopsy results, he, and the testicular (Seminoma) cancer experts at Huntsman Cancer Center who he has been corroborating with over Kelly's case,  are not convinced that Kelly's cancer has not made a comeback. They recommended Kelly have a CT PEP scan. He had it today.

They injected him with a radioactive isotope, (Fluoride 14, or something or other). It attaches itself to sugars, and apparently Seminoma tumors take in more sugar because it's cancer, and cancer cells reproduce and grow quickly. So they took scans of his stomach and chest as the isotope made its way through his body.

Apparently its a very accurate method to confirm the absence or prove the existence of cancer in his body. Hopefully this is the last test and we can have some peace of mind. If it comes back negative, then we just watch this tumor and see if there are any changes. We will most likely still have it taken out at Huntsman, if it is negative. If the result is positive for cancer, then our oncologist recommended radiation since it is less intrusive, so Kelly could stay in school and not have to take the semester off.

So there's an update.

Stay tuned for results.

The Details and Result, From Yours Truly, Kelly

      I have learned from my lovely wife that I am not a good story teller. To illustrate this, I will use a real life example. I had a hour and a half appointment with a doctor last week to discus the plan for me. When I came home and Tiahna asked, "So, what happened?" I said, "Nothing."  Then she informed me that I had just returned from a 90 minute discussion and that she wanted to hear the whole conversation from beginning to end. She has a beautiful mind where she can store zillions of hours of conversation and information. As for me, I only can remember the to do list. So in an attempt to repent and show her that I do listen to her I will give my best recollection of the past few days.
      Monday September 10, 2012. I needed to be in Idaho Falls by 9:30am. Luckily I have a pretty open schedule in the morning and didn't miss any classes. After a 45 minute drive I made it to the doctors office. After checking in and filling out miles of paper work that will never be looked upon by anyone for the rest of forever I met with Dr. Mcalester. If your ever in Idaho Falls and need a radiation oncologist I would highly recommend this man. He's nice, good at explaining things and answering questions, and he also has car magazines, which is always a good thing in my book. His office also has the latest and greatest in medical technology.
     Anyways, the conclusion was that we didn't know what was growing in me. All we knew was that I had 'pure sonoma cancer' in my right testical two years ago. The current growth is in my in is the lymph node system near my pancreas, a very common place for my previous type of cancer to spread to. These lymph nodes are connected to the lymph nodes that run to the testicals. (I'm not shy, this is another trait that my wife has talked with me about). So the thought the doc and I had was that this growth came from cells that had lingered after I had my testical removed.
     Well, after talking it through it was decided that I would have a biopsy, which simply means that someone would stick a needle in it and take a sample to have it tested. The biopsy was scheduled for Tuesday morning at 10, but I had to be there at 8:30 for a few more CT scans and procedures. This means that I missed my 2nd intermediate accounting class that is held at 8am. This class is supposedly one of the toughest classes in all the classes held at BYU-I, I say that considering all the chemistry classes that are provided here. Its tough because of the rapid pace that everything is taught.

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This is a CT scan machine for those who have never had the pleasure. You lay down on that plank and you go through the hole. When they slide you through it they inject an iodine mixture into your blood that gives a very warm sensation that almost makes you have to go to the lavatory. (that's my new way of saying restroom, I started calling it that after flying on a plane, lol) After I had my frirst CT scan at 9 I waited for the results. I watched Modern Marvals during my wait until a doctor came and described how the biopsy was going to take place. He told me that he was going to stick a worm like needle through my back and travel down the spine until it reaches the growth. Once at the growth it has a pincer in the head of it that injects itself into the growth and removes a sample. Sounds easy enough. Oh, and he told me that I was going to be awake through the whole thing! Thank goodness they put me on morphine and valium because that needle was not small. After our little chat they rolled me back into the CT scan room. When I got there I saw something really cool that wasn't there before. A craftsmen tool box.

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    I thought while I was being drugged, numbed, and poked with needles,  'that is a really nice tool box, I want one of those.' Then my next memory was laying down in a recovery room waiting to be picked up by Tiahna.
    Now comes the news. Doctor Mcalester called me a few moments ago and told me the results of the biopsy. Turns out that the growth is not a metastasized sonoma cancer. It's a benign tumor that could possibly be a taratoma growth. The wonderful wikipedia defines that as:

A teratoma is an encapsulated tumor with tissue or organ components resembling normal derivatives of all three germ layers. The tissues of a teratoma, although normal in themselves, may be quite different from surrounding tissues and may be highly disparate; teratomas have been reported to contain hair, teeth, bone and, very rarely, more complex organs such as eyes,^[1][2] torso,^[3][4] and hands, feet, or other limbs.^[5]

Usually, however, a teratoma will contain no organs but rather one or more tissues normally found in organs such as the brain, thyroid, liver, and lung. Sometimes, the teratoma has within its capsule one or more fluid-filled cysts; when a large cyst occurs, there is a potential for the teratoma to produce a structure within the cyst that resembles a fetus. Because they are encapsulated, teratomas are usually benign, although several forms of malignant teratoma are known and some of these are common forms of teratoma. A mature teratoma is typically benign and found more commonly in women, while an immature teratoma is typically malignant and is more often found in men.

Teratomas are thought to be present at birth (congenital), but small ones are often not discovered until much later in life.

Since its not a cancer, radiation and chemo will do nothing to it. Which means that I need a doctor who is gutsy enough to take a tumor out of me that is pinned between my pancreas and two blood vessels that run next to it.  And apparently no one in the state of Idaho is. Gutsy, enough that is.

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The lobe on the left is the pancreas. The tumor is between that and the red and blue veins. Since no one in the state of Idaho does this type of surgery, I will have to go to the state of Utah, and visit Huntsman Cancer Center to find the gent who will do me the honors. So this is my current situation as of 11:54 on September 13, 2012.
    I am glad that this is not what we originally thought. Now I don't have to worry about being infertile due to chemo and months of feeling sick. Now I can get the problem solved in one session of surgery. Thank you for all your prayers and support. I will write more after my next doctors appointment next Tuesday.

Love,
Kelly Conrad

This is Kelly Speaking

        In an attempt to save my self from having the same conversation multiple times a day I will keep you all up to date with this blog. To make it clear I am fine. Cancer may be a word that you may never want to have associated with you, but it really isn't always such a deadly thing.  I have already dealt with the shock of a cancer diagnoses on my mission.
       To start with the details, two weeks ago I went to my urologist to have my semi-annual CT scan and found that near my pancreas, in the lymph node system I had a 3.3x2.8 cm growth. I have met with an oncologist this past monday to make plans. He set me up with a CT led biopsy that took place today. I will not know the results of the biopsy until next Tuesday. So that is all that I know right now. On tuesday I will be meeting with a medical oncologist to discus the option of chemo. Chemo is the best option and the reason is that this growth could have come from cancer cells that have been in my body for the last two years and just began growing. If I do chemo it will eradicate any other lingering cells that might decide to grow in the years to come. The type of cancer that I most likely have has a 95% cure rate and responds well to treatment.
        Don't worry about Tiahna and I, we have all of your support and the support of my doctors. We have piles of pamphlets with information about what to do in case I undergo chemo, the risk involved in cancer and all that jazz.
        Tiahna and I thank you for all your loving messages, prayers and concerns. The best thing for us to do is live our lives like everything is normal and deal with things as they come. I know that the Lord is in this and I have the faith that this trial will do us good. It might cost us time and money, but in the eternal perspective the refining effect of this challenge may be worth all the time and money in the world.

Sorry if there are no images to make this post more interesting, I was on my belly during my biopsy and Tiahna wasn't there to be my photographer.