October 4th will always be special to me. This may have something to do with the fact that three years ago today Kelly asked me to marry him! I figure that day is about as important as the wedding day, since without a proposal we would never would have got there. So to celebrate this joyful occasion I figured I'd tell you how it happened. But not just the engagement, the
whole story. The story of us, starting at 14. Many friends have heard the story. Many have not. Either way, here it is as it is remains in my memory.
Also I lied about yesterdays post being the longest in the history of ever. This one is.
In September 2010 I was a wreck. Things were happening so fast, and I was not ready for it. To understand, let's rewind a little. To high school: Kelly and I knew each other in high school. We were neighbors, and friends, but I was never interested in him. He was however interested in me so we would go on dates and do fun things together, but it still wasn't enough to get me interested. I found him annoying, immature and obnoxious for the most part.
Fast forward a few years: he was on his mission, I was living in England. I started receiving his mission emails from his mother. Apparently this was a hint? I didn't know why I was receiving them but I read them and to my surprise found them very enjoyable, despite the fact I was writing someone else at the time. I began to look forward to his weekly updates, and found myself feeling like I didn't know this guy at all. Everything I read seemed so different from the dork I knew in high school. And to be honest, I was pretty much right. I had not spent a lot of time with him after high school as I went straight to college, and he stayed home and worked. Then I went to nanny in England before he left for his mission. A lot can happen in a year or two in the life of a guy who decides to make some changes. I also found to my surprise that his letters were hilarious, engaging, and entertaining and still spiritual without being immature and full of words like 'awesome' righteous' 'man' plus a whole lot of 'frickin' or flip'. I always hated letters from missionaries where they sounded like they were trying to be high school gangsters, mormon style. Gag me.
So every week I got his letters. Read them. And thoroughly enjoyed them. I still wrote my other missionary, and dated guys at school. But when August 2009 came around, Kelly had been gone about a year, and I wrote him. And I was fairly sure I liked him. A lot. Like the 'I-could-actually-date-you-now-despite-the-fact-that-I-know-what-you-used-to-be' type of like. But he was on a mission and utterly unavailable. So I wrote him a letter. Two days later I wrote another one. And two days after that I wrote another one. Three letters in a week, I am freak. They were just normal letters news of home, updates in life, nothing crazy (well except the three-in-a-week part...). But honestly I didn't think anything would really come of it because he was dating a friend of mine before he left on his mission and as far as I knew, she was waiting. I was in the mindset of, 'I just got my associates so I could apply to a program that I no longer want to apply too, so I am taking some time off school to rethink what it is I want to study and I need something to occupy my mind, and since Kelly occupies my mind, why not let it be him?' So I figured we could write as indifferent acquaintances...or something. But I shortly found out that circumstances were different, and Kelly no longer had a 'waitee' and I also learned that Kelly had fully expected me to be married to my previous missionary by now, and the fact that I was not left him feeling happy as well. So write we did. I wrote often. He did not. My mom told me I was probably annoying him and that I should only write when he writes. But I tried. And that was boring and I had to wait much to long to write, so I said 'no mom.' And that was that.
Fast forward to August of 2010. He was to come home the twenty somethingth....I used to know the date..like the 23 or 24th or something. I was very excited. I had a trip planned for California for the first two weeks of the month. Half way through our trip, I called my mother to check the address of a place for us, as our GPS seemed to be taking us somewhere strange. But when I called, she seemed super excited that it was me and said "Hey! Guess who's in our house right now?' And obviously I didn't know or care. She was not put off but said "he's really tall, and handsome.." and then I was confused as to why Kelly was in my house. 3 weeks before he was supposed to be home. So like a three year old I quickly asked 'why?' to which I was told he had cancer, and they wouldn't tell me what kind of cancer it was, so then I knew right away it was testicular. So then I spent the next week of our trip stressed out and realizing Kelly was already home and thinking 'this wasn't how it was supposed to happen' and 'oh no what if he dies!?'
On the 13th of August, our trip ended. We were on the last leg of the drive from Oregon when I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. I never answer those. But I did this time. It was Kelly. All the girls in the car were screaming and freaking out for me. He wanted to see me later that day. He had only had surgery to remove the tumor a day or two before, so I figured we wouldn't be able to go anywhere really since he was probably still in recovery mode, but I was excited.
The rest of the day I remember in snippets like this:
I got home.
Got ready.
Went to his house.
Saw him.
Was stoked.
He was fine.
He wanted to go shopping.
We did.
Later that night we and his sister went to a movie.
It was fun.
Then from August 13th on it was 'I want to spend all my time with him but we both work full time' kind of thinking. We did manage to spend a lot of time together. Things started moving quickly. We began talking marriage
way too soon for my liking. But everything was moving that way. Part of me was fine talking marriage, but I assumed it would happen August of 2011. That seemed the most natural time. Obviously. Date. Go to school together. Date some more. Get engaged some time between January and April. Get married in August. Duh. What could be wrong with that plan?
When he first mentioned December I got angry with him. Then mad at the world. Then I didn't even like him anymore. Then the next day I was happy again. And then the next I was depressed and angry with everyone and everything. All I could think about was "What will the world think of me? All my life I said I would not be 'one of those' mormons who dates for no time at all and gets married in the blink of an eye." I promised everyone I knew that "to get married in December was the most idiotic thing a person could ever do." I now wondered "what will my coworkers think of me?" (The answer to that was that they asked me if I was pregnant.) I simply could not deal with the thoughts and opinions of others on the matter. It put me into a very bipolar state and poor Kelly never knew which version of Tiahna he would see that night. My family thought I was crazy. His family probably thought I was a witch.
I talked to my aunts about it, my mom, and my friends. Only one seemed to think December was a bad idea. Although my dad figured with how emotional and bipolar I was on the subject that it was probably best not to rush things. I prayed hard. To be honest, I had an experience early on where it became quite obvious exactly what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to get married in December. But I said, out loud in prayer, no less, "you've got to do better than that, God. I am doing this." I was stubborn, tenacious, and quite an idiot.
We talked and talked and eventually figured I probably could do it. Why not? Its going to happen eventually right? So I looked at rings. Lots and lots and lots of rings. I had wanted a pearl for about my whole life. But I wanted one that looked bridal. Most pearl rings don't look bridal, they just look like a pretty ring. It took a lot of jewelers, but when I saw it, I
knew it was my ring, before I even slipped it on. As to when Kelly bought it, I have no idea. But I know he had for almost 2 weeks before any success was had.
He tried to propose several times, to no avail. One night he tried (with the cutest idea ever) but I never came home that night to see the note and the plans. I stayed the night at a friends house. And apparently I forgot to tell anyone where I was. My dad called all over looking for me, because I was not even answering my phone (I was asleep!)
So now we get to October 3rd. It was Sunday, conference weekend. Kelly told me he wanted to go for a bike ride early that morning. I thought is was too early and cold, but we went. It was cloudy. There was no sun. I could tell he wanted to propose. I was in a bad mood and didn't want him to. He didn't. We rode home. It was raining now. My dad had the pre-conference music on the computer and the back door open so he could sit in the hot tub and still listen. I walked inside. My little sis got out of the hot tub and ran inside, looked at me, looked at my hand, got really quite, didn't know what to do, and went quickly back outside. Apparently they all knew Kelly's plans, and now were all aware that I had foiled them. My parents talked to me after the first session and said "Tiahna, what do you want?" and I honestly did not know what I wanted. So my parents told me I was rude and wasting Kelly's time and that I should let him go so he'd stop wasting energy on me. So I called him. He had the same thoughts. We went for a walk. And broke up.
I went home, made brownies, and ate the whole pan with Kaloni while she asked me over and over, "why did you break up with him?" and I answered over and over "I have no idea."
The next at work, October 4th, I realized how nonsensical I was. I texted Kelly to tell him so. He obviously agreed and said that we would talk that night, as he had already agreed to be at our house at 4:30 so the missionaries could come over and my mother dearest could make a birthday dinner for one of the elders. (They were coming to teach one of Kaloni's friends, and it also happened to be one of the elders birthday, and my dad didn't get home from work till later so Kelly had agreed previosuly to be there). Only we didn't get to talk at all that night. We all had dinner together, and the missionaries taught Cade, and then randomly, my girl friends walk inside in their bathing suits and want to get in the hot tub. Sooo I didn't really know what to do.
Kelly decided to leave and I walked outside with him. I ended up walking to his house with him, which was just around the corner. We talked. I told him I was aware that I was an annoying imbecile and that I really did want him. He pulled out his scripture case which he had with him because of the missionary lesson with Cade, and said "I need to do something, while you're in a good mood" and I thought, 'oh no he is going to read me a scripture about something and try to teach me something about how stupid I have been. Great...' But then he pulled out a little black box and was on his knee and was telling me how much he loved me and was asking me to be his wife, forever. And I could hear him, and was happy, and was kissing him, but I was also aware that my friends were in the hot tub and they kept calling to me (we were neighbors, remember) saying 'Tiahna come back, hang out with us, get in here with us, go get your bathing suit on..blah blah blah"..oh the sweet background music of our special event....haha.
And so the day after we broke up, we were engaged. And happy. I was not bipolar anymore. And I was excited for December 28th. And decided not to think about the fact that my coworkers thought I must be pregnant, or that I was engaged after only officially dating Kelly for about 2 months, or the fact that I was doing the long forbidden December marriage.
My mom told me that life has a way of making you eat your words. And guess what? I have proven that to be true. And you know what else? They might have tasted bitter as first, but the after taste is quite sweet.
I love you babe. Thanks for asking.
